When I started writing Pursuit of Unavailable Love, I was in a dark place. I had just ended my love affair with substance abuse, and I really needed to guide myself out of it.
So I realized that in my personal struggles with love, addiction and friendships, I was always pursuing the unavailable.
I think this is a topic we all understand. We always date the bad boy. We always date the bad girl. They even made a show called Bad Girls Club. It’s part of our DNA. However, it’s not truly how we should be living or searching.
When you’re searching for something, the world is abundantly full, whether it’s love, money, career, dating or family. You can have anything and everything you want. You don’t have to sit back and wait or live in the lack. So when I say the pursuit of unavailable love, I mean we’re always in pursuit of things that don’t serve us well.
After meeting so many men, I realized my book isn’t just for the queer or gay community. It’s for everyone, because we’re all out here searching for love. I believe we’re destined for love. We’re meant to have love, whether it’s an intimate love or a friendship love. Love is easy.
What I realized when I was chatting with many men during my hookup days is that they lost sight of who they were and what they had to offer. And it was scary to me.
Then I had a deep conversation with someone who was a psychiatrist, actually, and that’s when I knew I was in a transition. He said our heterosexual counterparts learn how to love and date during their adolescence. Gay men are different. We don’t know how to date, because in our adolescence we long for the teacher, the hot teacher.
Mr. Safanti was mine in the fifth grade. Then you have the coach, the football player in high school, whoever it may be. You long for them because you were told you couldn’t do or have that. You couldn’t come out. I come from a generation where you couldn’t come out.
So what I’ve learned is that because of that, as gay men got older, we were conditioned to long. As adults, we were only happy when we were chasing someone. It was a game. I hate to say dating is a game, but lately in my life, I’m realizing it’s a game. And I don’t understand this philosophy of love being so hard.
I used to meet guys who would lie or sell me their representative. I’m so intuitive, and I knew something was up. When I met them, I had this uneasy feeling. Then, when they felt comfortable, they shared their story and revealed so much more about themselves, and I realized they were conditioned.
We’re all the same. We’re looking for love, but damaged by our circumstances, our families, and the idea that love is difficult. And with gay men, we learned to long. The excitement of longing for someone is relative, but it’s a conditioning, because the guy who’s open, honest and available is boring. The guy who’s emotionally unavailable is the exciting part.
I’m so excited about this book. It’s now available on all platforms, Kindle and Apple. I want you to read it, because I think it tells you how to recondition yourself to understand that the pursuit of unavailable love is a condition. It is not a reality. And when I say that, I truly mean that.
I feel so overly blessed that I’ve been able to put these thoughts onto paper to help other people.
Pursuit of Unavailable Love
Why We Chase People Who Can’t Love Us Back
by Corey Wesley
Get it on AmazonAs an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. AI was used to generate the lead image. The content was created personally by Corey Wesley.
