What constitutes good sex from bad sex? The classification of good or bad sex is based on an individual and whether his needs are met at the point of climax. Whether it’s having enough foreplay, verbal simulation, or role-play a person’s individual sexual desires are how a person generally determines whether someone was good or bad in bed.
However, when you dig deeper, the fulfillment of sexual roles (positions) also determines how satisfied we are in bed. We can debate roles and whether or not they’re necessary or if they restrict a person from fully experiencing certain aspects of sex that others might find enjoyable (eg. Top verses Bottom).
I’m hoping we all strive for having good sex and some would say that’s a reason so many gay men sleep around; we’re chasing that “mind-blowing sex.” Personally, it’s hard to have mind-blowing sex if you’re sleeping around and engaging with someone you barely know. Although it’s not impossible I believe there is more to mind-blowing sex. You have to be mentality and physically uninhibited, willing to put the needs or wishes of others before one’s own, you have to be present, and be able to fulfill each other’s needs without self-sacrificing your own sexual needs.
For a long time, I assumed that “good sex,” meant you had to include all the acrobatics and accessories you can imagine. It can be intimidating when considering all the facts that men take into account when they are determining whether someone is good in bed or not.
Giving and receiving pleasure is the ultimate goal of engaging in sex. During a recent conversation with a friend who identifies with the bottom role, I asked whether he preferred one lubricant over the other. It’s a question that not only sparked a dialogue between the two of us but a topic we both found interesting yet rarely discussed.
I decided to reach out to several friends on what “good sex” means to them, and I got some answers. One, in particular, I did not expect. Everyone I asked said that good sex is partially determined by the lube they select and agreed that there is a difference in lube choices for the top and bottom. It was surprising to learn that gay men really do have a preference in lube and that oftentimes they bring their lube choices with them when hooking up. Some of them agreed if the lube is right the sex is potentially better. It did not matter whether they were a top or a bottom, each person asked said that they pick the lube that best fits their partner.
Finding the best personal lubricant for engaging in sex can be easily Google’d but it’s rare to find a list of lubes that either a top or bottom prefers. Among the group of men I asked I learned more about the lubes gay men prefer:
Eros: Hands down for tops or bottoms everyone agreed that Eros was their first choice. It’s expensive but a little drop goes a long way. The sensation for both the top and the bottom was mutually satisfying. “If you’re tired of using a lube that dries out and you need to apply three times before you climax Eros is to the rescue… It’s a little more expensive but I’ve never had anyone say ‘it burns’ nor ‘I’m dry’… One small application and he’s ready to go till finish… It’s more expensive but you use way less. Simple math.”
Boy Butter: This was another crowd favorite but more for the bottom who is looking for a little more intense sex (e.g. fisting). A handful of bottoms indicated that fingering is not always pleasurable, however, when attempted with Boy Butter it was tolerable and pleasurable. “This is by far the best. However, this lube is oil-based and is not condom compatible. So it should only be used for sex with someone you trust absolutely, or for manual stimulation.”
Gun Oil: Everyone asked said they really like Gun Oil and indicated it is one of the best lubes for long-lasting sex. However, everyone agreed it ruins your sheets. “Very VERY slippery and lasts quite a while. God, don’t get any on the side of the bottle. You’ll never be able to pick it up again.”
Swiss Navy Silicone: Among the crowd, this was closely compared to Eros. Great lube. “Stays slick a lot longer than any I’ve tried (and trust me I’ve tried many!) One caveat: don’t use it with silicone toys. Otherwise, it’ll degrade them.” Everyone also agreed, it has no discernible taste and lasts a long time. What’s fabulous about this product is the freaking locking push cap! We highly recommend trying their flavors.
As an honorable mention, a small percentage of men mentioned Astroglide because you can find it at your local pharmacy when you’re in a pinch. Everyone agreed, however, it’s something they would use as a last option.
Sex is what you make it so if you’re having a lot of bad sex, consider changing your lube. For those of you who have a lot of “good sex” keep doing what you’re doing.
