Bars have always been a place for me to socialize with close friends and catch up on the week’s activities, listen to music, dance, meet others, and just let my hair down.
As a young, gay man coming to terms with my sexual orientation, learning the ropes, and determining where I fit in the gay world I felt socially awkward in my early years. I would frequent (at LEAST once per week) the regular hangouts that offered 2-for-1 drink specials (Can someone say Splash!). As I consumed my Madrases or Gin & Tonics or Jack & Gingers or Bud Lights or whatever my mood felt like, I became less inhibited, was able to relax, could talk more openly with those around me, and just loosen up. Drinking alcohol had played a significant role in my going out to meet up with friends.
I eventually hit a point where drinking too much alcohol caused serious problems in my life. I had to end the destructive patterns and behaviors or go down a path that would have destroyed me and my life. So, I went entirely cold turkey. For almost a year after going cold turkey I did not enter a gay bar for fear of losing myself to old patterns. However, bars had always been a place for me to socialize with friends so it was important to me that I find a way to be comfortable being out and about. When I decided to start going out again, I won’t lie, I was extremely anxious, uncomfortable, and paranoid.
I’m the type of person who needs to have a drink in their hand to feel comfortable. This is for multiple reasons, 1) to make myself feel like I’m participating; and 2) to make my friends feel comfortable. Think about it. Have you ever been in a bar, club, at a party or other event without a glass or bottle in your hand? If you haven’t been in this situation before, try it and see what happens. Pretty quickly, everyone starts asking, “Can I get you something?” or “Why aren’t you drinking?” As the questions start coming about why you’re not drinking, it can get uncomfortable for both you and the one(s) asking.
So, if someone isn’t drinking alcohol and they want to be in a bar, what can they drink without appearing to be a Debbie Downer? I have become very comfortable with and alternate among several options.
My go-to is non-alcoholic beer. The major one found in many of the gay bars here in New York City is O’Doul’s. Non-alcoholic beers offer a flavor reminiscent of beer but without the actual alcohol. I can drink about four before I have to change to something else. Other popular non-alcoholic beers and ales (not necessarily found in the gay bars) are Clausthaler, St. Pauli Girl, Beck’s, Kaliber, and Buckler. The price on non-alcoholic beer typically runs the same as a domestic beer. But be mindful. Newer bartenders might confuse O’Doul’s as an import and charge you the import price which did happen to me before. It’s not an import, it’s a non-alcoholic.
Also not all gay bars offer a non-alcoholic beer option. So far I’ve found non-alcoholic beer available at Gym Bar, G Lounge, The Monster, Music Box (Queens), and Friend’s Bar (Queens). Some of the other places I frequent that do NOT offer non-alcoholic beers include Rise, Industry, Barracuda, Posh, and Bottoms Up.
Sodas are also an option. Not only are there the typical Coke/Pepsi, Sprite/7-Up options, some venues are now offering ginger beers which will give you something snappy to sip on. Don’t be afraid to ask if ginger beer or some other craft soda is available.
Juice is another alternative to alcohol. If you can’t handle one juice on its own try combining multiple juices. Cranberry on its own can be pretty tart so ask for cranberry / orange mix which will tone down both the tartness of the cranberry and the acidity of the orange juice. Orange and pineapple might also work for you. You could also try a juice with a soda such as cranberry and Sprite. Get creative.
Energy drinks are also something to consider but definitely drink these in moderation. These tend to be heavily sweetened, contain caffeine and if consumed in larger quantities can result in serious health conditions. Red Bull, Monster, and RockStar are typically available in both regular and low-carb options.
