On the weekend of June 12th something devastating happened to us. Not just to the LGBT “us” who lost 49 more lives in a senseless show of hatred, not just to the people who work in nightlife “us” who suddenly were painfully aware of a fear they hadn’t known in some time, nor just to the straight allies who in the aftermath were equal parts numb and unsure what to do. No. What took place, happened to every version of “us” and in vastly different ways.
In the aftermath of what has already been classified as the worst mass shooting in American history, I had no idea how to react. I was feeling things I hadn’t felt before. I was connected to this event perhaps in the same way that people across the country felt connected to 9/11. I didn’t know these people, I didn’t know this place and I didn’t understand why I felt such grief and anger.
Since then I’ve come to the realization that I was tied to these people in ways I hadn’t originally realized. They were LGBT, they were Latin and they were members of the nightlife community as well. They were ME and something that I had felt might someday happen but prayed wouldn’t, had just materialized. The LGBT community has been fighting battle after battle for equality and we have made so much headway in recent years. But that doesn’t mean that the hate and homophobia that is so rampant in this country has gone away. It just seethed under the surface waiting for it’s moment to spring and so it did that Sunday morning and 49 men and women paid the steepest price because they chose to just be themselves.
To me this was a defining event in our fight for equality. A reminder of how much further we have to go before the homophobia of this country can be washed away and we can be considered equal Americans like everyone else in this country.
The killer’s targeting of this particular nightclub is important because it was a place that, as many LGBT persons can attest to, was considered a safe haven. That most sacred of places to young persons dealing with gender and sexual identity: the club. And it’s sacred because it’s the place where we go to allow ourselves to be our most authentic selves. As both a frequenter of that type of safe haven and a member of the nightlife service community, a chill ran through my heart thinking that perhaps this event would strike fear in people and make them not want to come out as their safety felt compromised, especially during Pride month when the spirit of unity is so important and people who would normally not come out usually do.
How many of us went out this past Saturday night and got anxious phone calls or text messages from our family members the next day to make sure we were okay? Just today a friend was telling me how everyone jumped and a few even ducked when someone dropped a cue stick while playing pool at one of the local gay bars. We’re afraid, a bit hesitant, but at least we’re out there. We’re still going to go out and we’re still going to take command of our safe havens.
As the country begins it’s journey toward healing, it is encouraging to see the genuine outpouring of support that we have gotten from all over the world. The vigil that was held in London brought me to tears by the sheer number of people that were there. Celebrities that we have admired and that have made themselves part of our lives to varying degrees have been showing their support in whatever ways they can as well.
The nightlife community is coming together and has vowed to make a difference. I have never been more proud to be a member of both the nightlife and LGBT communities. Clubs & bars are raising funds for the families of the victims. A rallying cry has gone out from the members of the nightlife community to not be afraid, to come back to your safe havens.
The city has placed additional protections at many gay hot spots in NYC and other cities across the country celebrating Pride this month. This coming weekend we will be celebrating NYC Pride, perhaps one of the biggest pride celebrations in the country, and despite everything that has happened, I feel safe and will be out and proud with “us”. We’ll be out marching in the city proudly waving our rainbow flags. We’ll be singing in the streets and we will know that love is love is love is love. I will be once again behind the decks, playing my music in your safe haven and my soul will be dancing and my heart will be in the music I play. See you on the dance floor.
