When was the last time you were at a professional networking reception and walked up to a good looking man you have never met before and proceeded to describe the size and dimensions of the penis you’re able to accommodate in your mouth and throat?
I guess this is one way of getting to the point about your interests and your abilities, however, is it appropriate to assume the other guy is interested in having sex with you just because you find him good looking? Where on earth would you get the impression that the first words out of your mouth when meeting the guy for the first time should be about engaging in a sexual act when there were no contextual references to indicate such?
I’m going to safely assume that unless you’re at the Black Party or a sex party, this type of introduction is unwarranted and is inappropriate. If it’s inappropriate in the physical world, why oh why would you assume that this approach is any different in an online environment? Let’s put hookup sites aside and talk about sites like LinkedIn and Instagram. What is going on out there?
One of my best friends is constantly barraged with instant messages from guys seeking sex on every social media site he’s on that have nothing to do with hooking-up for sex. For example, today on Instagram, he was messaged by a guy seeking to learn how big my friend’s penis was. The guy was soliciting information to see if he could properly accommodate my friend’s penis. This individual was very specific about the length and width he could handle. There are no sexual pictures or nudes on my friend’s site and my friend made no request to have sex. What would give this guy the impression it’s okay to ask this type of question without ever asking any other questions or making any other attempt to introduce himself?
Let’s now turn to LinkedIn. The same best friend has his professional profile on LinkedIn. My friend uses LinkedIn to expand his professional network (which is not related to sex). Soon after accepting requests he is often messaged with “What’s up?” While this is not a blatant request to have sex, I think we’re all smart enough to know the intentions of this type of introduction. On LinkedIn?? Really??
What’s even more interesting is that on Instagram the guys soliciting my friend (who is African-American) are white guys and the guys on LinkedIn are all African-American. I’m not sure what to make of this information but I find it interesting.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t think every gay man is looking for sex and hookups 24/7. If you are, that’s fine, but keep it to the hookup sites not the sites intended for building communities and relationships that are not sexual ones. We have varying identities and interests, we establish different types of relationships with others and we connect with others in a range of environments.
Why are some of you invading every space of our online world looking for sex and perpetuating the stereotype we are sex fiends? If you’re bored and have run out of people to hookup with on the hookup sites, try a bar, or maybe it’s time to take a break. Or maybe it’s time for all of us who receive these unsolicited messages to find ways to shame those who inappropriately solicit sex. We’re gay, but we do not and should not have to allow unsolicited requests for sex, especially when there is no appropriate context for the request.
Although I haven’t attempted to thoroughly interpret these sites’ terms of use, I’m sure soliciting unwanted sex violates the terms (Instagram Terms of Use, Instagram Community Guidelines) (LinkedIn User Agreement, (LinkedIn Community Guidelines). Maybe we should do some screen captures that display user names and the request and show the world what some guys are really up to.
