Is it appropriate for a friend to date another friend’s ex-boyfriend? A handful would not have a problem with it yet others have strong opinions about this very debatable and uncomfortable topic.
In my youth I had a major problem if a friend dated or were interested in dating someone I had dated. I always thought that a “bro-code” existed where our ex’s were off limits. In my 40’s my opinion has not changed. However, I am now open to understanding there are exceptions. If I had only dated the person in question for a short period of time, perhaps they could be fair game. However, when it comes to friendships and men, it’s always wise to put your friends first. My mother always told me, “boys come and go but friends will be there long after the boys are gone.”
If a relationship was a committed one lasting more than a few years my opinion is this, there are too many others available in the world for you to date your friend’s ex-boyfriend, especially when not enough years have past. Gatherings and events could become awkward and potentially create tension between everyone; you, your friend, the ex, and all your other friends.
Trust might not have been broken and nothing might not have happened until years later, but your friend might end up wondering why you kept in touch with their ex-boyfriend for so long. It’s only human nature to wonder or think if the attraction between you and your friend’s ex happened when they were with your friend. The situation is a complex one and if not handled correctly it can potentially end a friendship. Jealousy is a bitch, yet when there is communication things might work out.
Although some say “it’s not weird or shady that you’re interested in your friend’s ex-boyfriend. Actually, it’s pretty normal. Attractive men often have attractive friends, and many of them will have similar interests. So whatever attracted you to your ex could also apply to his friends. Plus, while dating your ex, you probably got to know some of his friends on a much more genuine level than if you’d met in a bar. That’s not to say it’s going to be easy. No sir. But if you keep a few things in mind, you might just be able to pull it off.”
I must say if you do sit down with your friend to bring up the topic of dating their ex a few things might happen:
Go Ahead
This friend says it’s okay and might even encourage you to go for it but this may not be how they honestly feel. It is either a test to see if you will do it and when you do you will regret it. Proceed with caution!
Limited Support
If you ever get into a disagreement or break up with the ex-boyfriend you will get unlimited support from your friend. But be mindful your friend will rub it in and you may hear something you don’t want to hear, “I told you so.”
The Comparison
If the ex-boyfriend lets something slip about their past “psycho boyfriend,” it will be more than uncomfortable. You might also find yourself, more often than not, comparing your relationship to your friend’s relationship with their ex. Just remember it’s not always polite to kiss and tell.
Cheating Thoughts
If they cheated on your friend in a previous relationship you may feel that they might do the same to you. This pattern creates unnecessary paranoia and jealously.
Friendships End
Unfortunately, from the moment you start dating your friend’s ex, the friendship becomes tainted and may potentially end. Some friends never recover and you might end up asking yourself, “Was it really worth it?”
Even if it’s not a big deal to date a friend’s ex to you, your friends might think otherwise. It’s a potential lose-lose situation dating a friend’s ex.
