A handful of gay men experience anxiety and fear when it comes to getting closer emotionally, making it difficult to commit.
If and when the conversation about commitment comes up, are you the one who quickly exits the relationship? Is it possible your opinions and views about past relationships, the unknown, and your definition of commitment are preventing you from pursuing a healthier and rewarding relationship?
Uncertainty is the real reason why a person is apprehensive about the word commitment. With commitment comes having to make an investment in another person. It’s the uncertainty of that investment we fear not the relationship. Uncertainty can bring about not only fear but also anxiety.
Another reason why someone may be afraid of commitment is that they become accountable for their actions. Their actions now impact someone else’s life. Being accountable may require you to identify and acknowledge your faults and to deal with someone else’s.
The Causes of Commitment Phobia
“The causes of commitment phobia are as varied as the people who suffer from it. Typically, however, many people with commitment issues have complained of having experienced poor romantic relationships, either first-hand or through observation of others (such as their parents’ acrimonious relationship or divorce while growing up). Other common causes of commitment phobia may include:
• Fear of, or having had, the relationship end without notice or signs
• Fear of not being in the “right” relationship
• Fear of, or having been in, an unhealthy relationship (characterized by abandonment, infidelity, abuse, etc.)
• Trust issues because of past hurts by those close to the person
• Childhood trauma or abuse
• Unmet childhood needs or attachment issues
• Complicated family dynamics while growing up
People with commitment issues come in all shapes and sizes, and their exact dating and relationship behaviors can vary. Some refuse to have any serious or long-term relationships longer than a week or a month, because of their fears. Others may be able to be involved with one person for a few months, but as the relationship becomes more serious and deeper, their old fears again come to the forefront, driving the person away.” (PsychCentral).
The fear of commitment is typically implied with “forever.” Forever is a simple word but one that can put added anxiety on a person. Rather than associating “forever” with commitment and having that added anxiety, why not just commit to yourself and your partner from day-to-day.
Commitment issues in relationships are nothing new. But understanding the fear of commitment as a very real experience of anxiety and fear can help us develop as a potential partner.
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