Do you know exactly what your partner is expecting of you and would your partner say they know what you’re looking for in the relationship? If not, you’re likely dating in the dark.
Dating in the dark happens when you or your partner is lost, confused, or blinded in respect to the other’s intentions and goals. If you’re at the six month point and say, “I can’t give you what you are looking for,” something’s not right.
To build a healthy and prolonged relationship, it’s important you quickly learn your partner’s intentions. You do this by asking questions earlier rather than later. Communication is key.
Yes, solid relationships take time to form. Taking it slow and going with the flow is of course simple and easy, and you may not want to “complicate” things, but it’s important to have a clear understanding of what each of you is hoping to get out of the relationship. Sure over time feelings develop further and you gain a deeper understanding of your partner, but at what point is it too late to be trying to know your partner’s intentions and how those fit in with your goals?
One way to help fend of dating in the dark is to take ownership of what I call your dating identity. This makes the overall dating experience easier. When it comes to dating we each have a dating identity. Some of us are looking for just a sexual relationship. Others are looking for a friendship or a companion. And others are looking for a committed monogamous relationship.
Once you’ve defined the type of relationship you are looking for, you are no longer prisoner to just “going with the flow” or waiting for someone to decide what they want. Who has that kind of time to waste anyhow?
In my 20’s, I thought asking questions early in the relationship was a negative. Now in my 40’s I believe asking questions is crucial and makes dating easier and healthier. By asking questions you’re able to clarify the direction of a relationship and cut down on valuable time being invested in someone who is not ready to offer what you’re looking to get out of a relationship.
Often times when a guy asks questions he is called intense, direct, or perceived to be moving too fast in the relationship. It’s unfortunate that questions requiring honesty and reflection often scare men. From personal experience when a partner becomes afraid to communicate, express their true intentions, or ask questions, they’re not ready or willing to truly commit to the process of dating and developing a relationship.
Guys who ask direct questions and who are forthcoming about their intentions are committed to the process of dating and are not afraid to communicate and be honest.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you knew right away that the person’s intentions were different than yours? What did you do? Did you say nothing and just “went with the flow?”
Find ways to communicate and express your desires and feelings in the beginning of a relationship. Don’t get caught dating in the dark.
