We hear the term ‘unconditional love’ quite frequently. What exactly is it? When I think of unconditional love I think of my mother or my best-friend. There is no doubt that I love them unconditionally. Nothing they could do would make me not love them any more. However, can we say the same for adult relationships? How many grown adults do you know that are in a relationship or marriage and have unconditional love? Unconditional technically means ‘no conditions’, which translates to “It’s o.k., no matter what you do or say I will still love you.” There are no “ifs” or “buts” attached to the statement, just a simple “I love you”.
I believe if you truly love someone, you just do. No matter how much they hurt you, you still love them because after all, you can’t just turn that love off, can you? You hear people say, “If you love me you would……” You shouldn’t have to nor should you say that. Unconditional love means you love them, period. If they aren’t fulfilling some part of you that you strongly need, then re-evaluate your relationship. If you walk away it doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore, it just means it’s not working any more.
Does loving someone mean that you shouldn’t set personal boundaries for yourselves and acknowledge a level of what you will and will not accept? Of course not. Personal boundaries are not only important but necessary in any relationship; after all would you want your guy or girl being sexually active with another while you are professing love to each other? Would you say to them, “It’s all good. I love you no matter what so go ahead and do whatever you want?” Of course not! You can fall in love with someone and have unconditional love, meaning that you will always love them. They will always have a piece of your heart but that’s not a ticket to walk all over you.
Many deep loving relationships end because people make choices in their relationships to do stupid and hurtful things. When that happens you can forgive but it’s often times hard to forget. Not being able to forget makes it difficult to trust and sets off a whole chain of reactions making it difficult to feel comfortably in love any more. Although you love the person unconditionally, you are still putting conditions on yourself regarding how much you will tolerate and accept. Guess what? That is o.k! Wisdom comes with maturity and lessons learned from life’s challenges.
Love is a beautiful thing; a gift to be shared. However, never blind yourself to reality while in any relationship. Relationships take work to stay strong and for people to stay together. People may not talk about their struggles, but they are there. Most strong love stories were built off of many layers of getting to know each other and learning what is and isn’t working, along with the deep emotional feelings and willingness to do whatever it takes to stay together.
So, does unconditional love exist? I think so. Love is a feeling, an emotion that grows within you. How you demonstrate it is with actions. Remember just because someone will always love you in their heart doesn’t give you hall pass to walk all over them. If you are on the other end of the relationship set those standards for yourself and don’t allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve. You are not putting conditions on unconditional love, you are setting boundaries for yourself to be able to enjoy a rich and fulfilling loving relationship. Ultimately, the person you need to love unconditionally is yourself.
