I recently received a confounding email asking me what I would do if I found out my partner had cheated on me. From my own personal experiences, from both sides of the coin, I know first hand the impact that cheating can have on a person.
Interestingly, I had an “a-ha” moment about cheating, in one of the strangest of places…as I walked down the aisle in my local grocery store. One thought that continuously came to mind was, “Choices, Choices so many Choices!” Walking up and down each aisle several times, bewildered about what to buy, I realized my bewilderment wasn’t that I didn’t know what I wanted but that I was avoiding making the right choices for ME!
While contemplating dozens of cereal options, I finally understood why so many people find themselves in a state of emotional distress when it comes to cheating. It’s because they focus more on the other person’s choice and less on their next move. I also believe we all have choices in life and no matter how deep the relationship or bond is, each person is responsible for his or her own actions and choices.
It’s almost like a game of chess. Once your opponent makes a move, it is your turn to make a move. Like in a game of chess, your next move has to benefit YOU and not your opponent. I understand the emotion that comes with finding out someone you love has cheated. It is hurtful and it breaks the sense of trust that you have with your partner. But the bottom-line is they made a choice for themselves and their life not you and your life.
It may not be the choice you would have made but if you accept and understand the principals of making yourself happy, you’ll see they made a choice for themselves and now it’s your turn to make a choice for your life. Cheating is a complex behavior. Its not so much the intent of the situation that matters it’s the outcome.
After reading “The Ecstasy of Surrender” by Judith Orloff, M.D. and periodically writing on the topic of dating, I value relationships more and I’ve gained a solid and clear perception that dating is indeed about respect, love and trust but also how you view yourself and the choices you make for yourself.
Here is my personal dating affirmation: Date Smart… Date for Success. It’s an affirmation that enabled me to have better and more positive dating experiences.
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