One of the best parts about having a promising date (besides the free drinks) is the goodbye kiss. You sit through the coffee, happy hour, or dinner, patiently waiting to see how the night will end. Will we stand on the street corner, awkwardly wondering who is going to make the first move? Will he interrupt me as I say I had a fun time and plant a kiss? Will he walk me to my front door, hoping for an invitation to come up? Or will he shake my hand as he says “It was nice to meet you”?
These are the thoughts that run through my mind whenever I am on a first date. That, and do I have a piece of spinach in my teeth?
But is getting a hug at the end of the date – a really awesome date – a death sentence? Is a handshake the international symbol for “I’m not interested?” Do we need a kiss to feel some sort of confirmation that they enjoyed the date and will call us again? Or should we just stop over-analyzing everything and have confidence in ourselves that they had fun?
I’m asking because of a conversation I had over lunch the other day with my friend. He went on, what he described as, a fantastic first date. Playful banter back and forth, knees brushing underneath the table, and constant eye contact. Plus, when the date was over, his potential suitor excused himself to go to the bathroom, paying for the entire meal in secrecy.
Sounds like a pretty awesome date, right? I mean, that’s what I thought. The last date I went on, the guy ordered a glass of milk with his dinner and referred to me as Chad the entire evening. I would say my friend’s date surpassed mine, but he didn’t think so, and here’s why: his date didn’t kiss him goodbye.
“Are you kidding me?!” I spurted out while flagging down the waitress for an extra side of sour cream. “You can’t possibly say that your date was unsuccessful just because he didn’t kiss you!” But he did. He let the flowing conversation, instant connection, and the fact his date paid for the meal hinder the overall tone of the date just because the goodbye wasn’t what he wanted or anticipated.
It made me think a lot about the expectations we have as “daters” and how we should completely banish them. Sometimes we let the dramatization of Hollywood romantic comedies play too big of a part in how we expect a date to end, when in reality, having a guy walk you to your front door and leaving you with a kiss isn’t that common of a thing. (Or is it? I don’t know. Maybe I’m dating the wrong guys…)
In any event, we need to stop over-analyzing everything and getting disappointed if one tiny thing does not go the way we planned. We need to start going with the flow, be present, enjoy the time spent together, and finally, embrace the hug, because after all, you don’t really need a kiss to know if they liked you.
I think that sometimes it’s for the best to not get a kiss on the first date because it gives you something to look forward to on the second one. And if you want a kiss so badly, go ahead, be brave and make the first move!
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