Control can be viewed in many ways. It can carry a positive meaning of self-confidence and organization or it can be viewed as a way to manipulate and satisfy your insecurities. Sometimes in relationships one or the other person may start to feel insecure. They feel like they don’t have control over the situation, relationship or their significant other. They may view it as “frightening” because at any minute they may lose their guy/girl or something terrible could happen. So, they start thinking they have to control the situation. In some instances one may have been mistreated or cheated on. Which of course would leave anyone with trust issues and insecurities. The problem is, you can not control everything!
In a relationship, you should just ban the word ‘control’. If you feel like you have to control your partner, then you probably shouldn’t be in that relationship. A good solid relationship needs to be built on a foundation of trust, loyalty and communication. It’s unrealistic to think there may not be issues that arise, but bottom line is if you can’t trust and communicate then you have a problem. When most people start feeling like they can’t trust their partner they start trying to control the relationship. Questions start to come up, “Where are you? Who are you with? When are you coming back?” “Why did you do that?” These questions arise out of insecurity and the desire to be in control of ‘yourself’. It’s not necessarily about wanting to control the other person; often times it’s an underlying cry to control yourself. You have invested major emotions into a person and a relationship and you fear your partner doesn’t feel the same, or worse, they may leave you. The reality of loss starts to get to you and you feel slightly out of control. Fear of the unknown can be very frightening. However, you don’t have to live that way. You can learn to let go of trying to control and just go with the flow.
Going with the flow doesn’t mean to just blindly trust. In any relationship you need to learn your own personal boundaries and guidelines. Learn to talk to your partner and tell them how you are feeling. Maybe you are worrying needlessly. Learn to pamper yourself and nurture your soul. Find activities or ways that help you to be calm and relax. Take a yoga class, have a good hard workout or just lay back, take a few deep breaths and lay quiet for a while. Many times we find our own answers during the silence. You deserve to be the best you that you can be. Control yourself in a positive manner by learning to relax, evaluate, use logic and communicate. You don’t need to control your partner if you have good control of you. Ultimately, you will both be happier.
