How Gay Males’ Sexual Journey Are Ending Too Soon

All of this is the real reason why gay media constantly makes many feel like life is over by age 30. It's partly physical looks by the substance abuse, but it is also a mental and emotional wearing down due to sexual boredom.
An African-American Man laying in Bed Looking Directly in the Camera

One’s sexual journey should not be ending by the time one is old enough to have grey hairs.

Unfortunately, that is when many gay males’ sexual journey are ending. They go grey having done so much in their younger years that their bodies are worn out, and experienced too much, too soon. So substance abuse becomes more of a “necessity” to experience a new sensation. Hence the reason I don’t condone it. For that then gets old soon as well.

When their bodies become worn out, they then become unable to explore. So as they get older, to relive the excitement they felt on their too-early-a-journey, they try to surround themselves with younger gays that they can live vicariously through. Influencing the younger gays to start on their own too-early-a-journey. So let’s be real. Most gays who start to so much as use poppers did so because of the influence of either an older sex partner, or with my late coming out, a more socially active sex partner. One that can be younger. This is an ugly circle chain affecting our sexual maturity.

This all came to me while writing a Facebook post reveling in how my L’s X-Ray Vision articles “Evolution of My Bottoming” and “Evolution of My Topping” showed me that at 48, I still had more of a sexual journey to go on. Meanwhile, the sexual acts and responses that inspired those articles are ones that a good number of gays already experience with their bodies by their mid-20s. What saddens me is to realize that it may very well be not of their own volition.

Case in point, in “Evolution of My Bottoming”, I mentioned how I went to a gay porn studio’s office and the producer asked me if I could cum while being fucked. I lied and told him I could. Because as I’ve often said of my time in porn, while I was in my mid-30s at the time, I mentally reverted back to having the need-to-please-a-so-called-superior that is common in many late-teens and 20-somethings in the workforce. Making my next plan after telling that lie being to do whatever I needed to do with my body and mind to be able to cum while bottoming. Lucky for me, the producer proved to be a jerk, and never hired me.

Sexual Man standing nude on the Great Wall in China while the sun was setting and the skies were burning.

Photo Credit: Raj Eiamworakul

Like I said, I was in my 30s at the time. So this producer asked me that question, and I’m sure he has asked the same of every guy in their late teen to early 20s to come his way. And whether they lied as I did saying “Yes”, or told the truth, they probably put themselves through God only knows what to be able to make themselves ejaculate while bottoming.

For ejaculating while bottoming is not common as porn makes it seem. Due to the top’s erect penis in the bottom possibly stopping the blood flow needed for that the bottom to have an erection and ejaculate.

Which is my point! I am 48, and for the 1st time ever, I was able to jerk off and orgasm while bottoming. For it to take this long, it is obvious that I didn’t push myself to make it happen. I instead did what I’m encouraging now— I let my body do it when it found the right person and personal mindset to make it happen.

The sad thing is so much in our community forbid a younger gay male to wait for the right person, or be patient with himself to be in the right mindset. Anything from cumming while bottoming to being double-penetrated, younger gays are taking heavy alcohol, poppers, and numerous other substances to speed up the process because it makes their mind BLANK. Blank enough to appease a porn producer, or a doped-up and/or unjustly domineering “mentor” or sex partner.

I have never liked the idea of one’s mind being blank during sex. I have been masturbating since I was about 9 or 10 years old. I forgot the exact age I experienced an orgasm from masturbating, but in any case, I knew the sensation of masturbation gave me some idea of what sex was like. Knowing that I knew that I never wanted any kind of substance to hinder me from feeling each and every nerve throughout my body and in my brain stimulated by however, I have sex, whoever I have sex with, wherever I have sex, and why I had the sex. Because if I’m doing something wrong in the formula, a substance in the mix can make me not see my flaw and/or that of my sex partner. And if I’m doing something right, a substance can make me forget and dismiss something or (more importantly) someone I should keep around.

All of this is the real reason why gay media constantly makes many feel like life is over by age 30. It’s partly physical looks by the substance abuse, but it is also a mental and emotional wearing down due to sexual boredom.

This is why I have written a good number of times on my social media that as I get older, I am having the best sex since I came out to myself and became sexually active at the age of 30. So my sexual journey is now 17 years in, and I’m feeling no halting of it anytime soon. I’m feeling like a humanized version of the Starship Enterprise. With the variety of sexual tastes, various styles, and sexual body functions to have adventures with being the wide array of planets spread throughout all of the space to travel to. And it is a BIG universe.

Young gay males are not being allowed to have this pleasure. And out of their own selfishness, older and more sexually seasoned gays are making younger gay males do acts sooner than they should. Making them unable to reach my age and beyond and honestly say that the sensations they feel during sex are like a fine wine —- just getting better with time.


LeNair Xavier originally gained notoriety as adult entertainer "Tré Xavier" from 2005 - 2008. Unable to fulfill the mission he set out for in that industry, he now does so by continuing to write for his own blog as well as a few others. With writing to inspire healthy physical, mental, and emotional health to honestly proclaim sexual liberation and proud self-identification.