You are the only person who can make “YOU” happy. I want this to be a reminder that your reality is created because of YOU and not because of someone else. You have to know your own worth!
When negative energy and fear invades a beautiful space called “LOVE” it creates confusion and often times becomes the silent killer to a new relationship that is worth having. When we meet someone we deeply like and past relationship issues re-surface a new relationship can suffer. Sometimes someone else’s past relationships and fears become an issue in the new relationship. Unhealthy issues in a new relationship give that relationship little room to grow. And sadly our own self-worth comes into question.
New relationships also can take a big hit when friends say things like, “are you moving too fast?” In that moment our friends don’t realize the damage they’ve done to a potentially good relationship. This seemingly simple question stirs up forgotten fears and issues once buried and thought to be resolved, creating a new equation in a relationship too new to survive the heartache and heartbreak of the past.
Although it’s a question with the best of intentions and a simple one of concern, it creates what I refer to as an enigma; an enigma that quickly turns into a virus. This virus within a relationship rapidly grows so that the relationship doesn’t have a chance. It’s like a rush of doubt aimed at what could be a potentially solid foundation and good relationship; a relationship that might have had a chance.
New relationships bloom when they are built on openness, freedom to love, and the lack doubt. Once a virus of doubt is injected into a relationship, it’s often hard to stop it from infecting the entire (whole) relationship. It’s an infection without a cure.
Another potential pitfall in dating and the development of new relationships can be loneliness. Loneliness can make us very insecure which is why a large majority of gay men date for the sake of dating. Boredom and dating just to be doing something are not good reasons to date. A report by the UK based gay rights charity Stonewall says older lesbian, gay and bisexual people are at more risk of loneliness and isolation. Loneliness is when you feel unhappily alone and isolated from the rest of the world. If you’re lonely, is it okay to be dating?
Some research studies indicate that loneliness is a perception, not a reality. It has a lot to do with our self-talk: What do I tell myself when I am alone? Do I scare myself, or comfort myself?
When I dated out of loneliness the relationships ended as quickly as they started. Instead, I’ve learned how to enjoy my own company. That enjoyment completes me. I am no longer in a rush to find love and I now date for the right reasons. A solid personal foundation also helps me deal with those friends who question love and the rate it should go.
Even the most beautiful, popular people sometimes feel lonely. It’s a part of life, so why not learn how to make peace with it?
New relationships are challenging especially for men because men compartmentalize their emotions. Most men of any sexual orientation separate the act of sex from their emotional feelings, when in truth they’re not separate. When you date for love, or have sex with an emotional connection the feeling is indescribable.
New relationships are tricky but when you understand the power of love and that destiny is not in charge of my love life, YOU can find ways to ensure YOUR happiness in a new relationship.