The Karma of “Preference”

Gym bods will turn to beer guts. Then instead of settling for an older person just as poorly maintained as they are, they will be on the hunt for a fit younger guy.

Many white and light-complexioned people of color in the gay community will disregard medium to dark people of color. This is especially true when they are thought to be “young and beautiful.” Meanwhile, many gay white-dominated outlets (media, porn, nightlife) have permitted them to use the phrase, “it’s just a preference” to excuse their racism. The problem is that racism awakens Karma to be all the bitch she can be.

LeNair Xavier, Guest Contributing Author Modeling "Not Your Fucking Preference" tee by Kinkster NYC

LeNair Xavier, Guest Contributing Author Modeling “Not Your Fucking Preference” tee by Kinkster NYC

But many perpetrators will ask, “Why is this racism?”

Well as they say, “action speaks louder than words.” And their actions in sexual spaces, hook-up websites, and apps make it quite clear that it’s racism. For only a racist sees a fit body, and dismisses it solely because of its color, never considering the face, as it allows them to avoid the person’s eyes, which are the windows to the soul. Plus, many such people who practice this racism do not have numerous emotionally and/or physically traumatic experiences sparking the racism. This doesn’t lessen it being racism or justify it. But such trauma does better make a more humane reason for the racism being sparked, and easier to undo.

I know this because I am such a person who suffered both emotional and physical trauma from numerous negative interactions. From my birth and on into my joining the workforce. All leading to my previous racism towards… other black males. And I have long owned the fact that it was just that – RACISM.

I owned its ugliness, and have come quite a long way in my overcoming it. Hence why I am so intolerant of accepting it in others, especially when their racism is not born from trauma, but instead from too aggressive, too submissive, or all out absent imagery in media and entertainment outlets?

While this racism initially makes me angry, I take solace in remembering that at some point, these young guys running to the concept of “preference” will one day get old to the point that their youthful good looks will fade.  Gym bods will turn to beer guts. Then instead of settling for an older person just as poorly maintained as they are, they will be on the hunt for a fit younger guy. With the only way to get a fit young guy’s attention being by paying for that attention by buying a young guy a drink, buying a lap dance from a go-go boy, or hiring a young guy as a prostitute. However it is done, they’ll be mooched off of much like they did older guys when they were considered “young & beautiful.” So there’s that smack by Karma.

Then there’s the smack by Karma in which after disregarding one or more shades of people of color in their “young & beautiful” days that they finally decide to find those once disregarded shades worthy of their time. Then that person of color has one of two choices:

  1. assimilate the white/light boys and mooch off of the older person, which would, in turn, put them on Karma’s To-Smack list in their older years, or;
  2. see how the initially disregarding person’s attention is due to Karma, instead of genuine interest, so they disregard them. For that person of color has enough self-love to know that they don’t deserve to be anyone’s consolation price. Instead, they should be someone’s grand prize.

I personally am known to do the latter of the two. Because by looking youthful at 47, and being out to myself for 17 years now, I have seen some of the white/light guys who once rejected me when they were “young & cute” a decade or so ago, suddenly find my shade of brown sexy as fuck today. So if you ever see me out in public rejecting an older white/light-skinned guy who seems polite, but I’m aggressive in my dismissal, don’t be so quick to say that I’m overreacting. I got loud because I have lived the scenario so many times before.

Plus, for many, their behavior indicates that they still feel a sense of white/light entitlement. By invading my personal space, and trying to disregard my initially calm response by word or action of “No thank you.” Showing that their older age and lost youthful looks have not taught them the humbleness that it should have, probably because since they are now considered less desirable and my brown skin has always been seen that way that they think I should be so lucky that they are looking my way. When actually it is the other way around. For my doing the opposite of what undid their looks is why I have maintained mine.

Keep in mind that this concept of preference is not only practiced by whites, Asians, and other light-complexioned people of color. It is also practiced by medium to dark-complexioned people as well towards white/light-skinned people, but even more so their own. With the aforementioned racism, I harbored towards Black males, I could have easily also jumped on the bandwagon of calling it “preference.” Instead, I did the work on myself to undo that behavior because I do not want to suffer the bad Karma I am speaking of.

So now it’s time for all those using that term of “preference” to do that look within as well.


LeNair Xavier originally gained notoriety as adult entertainer "Tré Xavier" from 2005 - 2008. Unable to fulfill the mission he set out for in that industry, he now does so by continuing to write for his own blog as well as a few others. With writing to inspire healthy physical, mental, and emotional health to honestly proclaim sexual liberation and proud self-identification.