Why You Shouldn’t Invite Him or Her Back to Your Place Too Soon

By inviting the person over too soon, you may be giving off the signal that you are easy which can be unattractive for people who are looking for someone to seriously settle down with.
A photo of a door half open in the dark with light with a room wall on the other side

A question that many people face is when they should ask the person that they are seeing back to their place. Unfortunately, there is no sure or right answer. Some people invite people back to their apartment after their first date while it takes others months to invite their date in. So if you are wondering when is the appropriate time to invite someone over or to go back to your date’s home, these are some tips to help you make the best decision.

Who is Your Date?
One question that you will have to ask yourself before giving out the invite is who is the person that you are thinking about inviting over. You cannot simply say someone who you have been talking to for a month. How much do you really know about this person? If you are dating a former lover, friend or someone that you have always known but never had the chance to date in the past, then have a good foundation of trust already with this person. There is a certain level of mutual trust. You know where this person grew up, this person has friends and family in the area and this allows you to feel safe that he/she is not going to take advantage of you, harm you or anything else of a dangerous nature.

The same can be said of people that you meet through mutual friends. In this case, you may want to wait a little longer before giving the go ahead to come into your apartment. After two or three dates and when you feel that same level of comfort and trust as with a friend from your past, then inviting your date over is a good move.

The only time where you really want to take your time to waiting to let someone into your home, is when this person is a complete stranger. If you met in a bar, on the street or online, it could take months before this person is deemed trustworthy. You really have to keep your senses open to strangers and not listen to your inner desire to just get him/her in bed. Something much more terrible could happen by ignoring your instinct. After a few months, this person will have slowly integrated into your life making it a good time to invite him/her over.

Why You Shouldn’t Invite Your Date Too Soon
Some people worry about the signal that they are flashing if they invite the person back too soon. There is some validity because many people assume that if you invite them into your home, you are inviting them into your bed. Even if this is not the case, you should be aware of this. By inviting the person over too soon, you may be giving off the signal that you are easy which can be unattractive for people who are looking for someone to seriously settle down with.

On the other hand, some daters handle this situation wonderfully by stating up front, “I would like you to come over, but do not expect anything besides a good home cooked meal.” Explaining why you are inviting them over, will help to downgrade expectations and perk the person’s interest. However, by inviting them in too soon, you are inviting them into your sanctuary. Just by going through one’s home, they can tell a lot about you. Are you ready to have someone that you have just met, know basically everything around you? By not inviting your date in, you are allowed to keep up the mysterious act a little bit longer.

Another downside to inviting the person in too early is that it is hard to kick them out. Once they think that it is cool to hang out at your apartment, you may never get rid of them. Your partnership will sink into that homey type of relationship and you may have preferred those fun nights of eating out, walking through parks and going to the movies. Save the home for when you are in a more serious relationship and are ready to settle down a bit. By entering your home, this person is entering your life.

Signs to Invite Your Date in
If you have been going out for a short period of time, you feel comfortable, you trust this person and you are unsure of whether you should invite the person back, look out for a few of these signs:

·The person you are seeing is eager to help you out for home type activities: fixing a sink, putting together an entertainment center, etc.

·The person you are seeing has an interest to see where you live and what makes you, you.

·This is the most important; you seem to extend your dates. Instead of just dinner, it is a dinner and a movie, dinner, movie and ice cream, then a walk, then drinks and so on. These are some pretty good signs that your date wants to move forward with you and wants to get to know you better. You aren’t a teenager anymore, sneaking around mom and dad. there is no reason to get busy in the car, when you can get busy in place that doesn’t involve the dashboard and cup holders getting into your way.

The Timeline Vs Your Feelings
Above all else, your feelings about this person are the most reliable tool that you have to determine when you should invite this person over or to go over to their home. After two dates, you may feel like you have known this person your whole life while after twenty dates the person that you are seeing hasn’t even mentioned his or her family in your chats. There is no specific timeline to go by but if you trust your gut and use your best judgment then you will know exactly when the time is right to invite your date over.


Visionary Leader, Music and Hot Toddy Lover. After 15+ successful years in finance, I ventured out on my own, creating various brands, Flirtatious-T, Urban FLRT, Kinkster NYC, and now Milton Wes and OVAH MAG.